Moving Forward

I remember my first marathon like it was just yesterday, but time has a way of silently slipping away. It was 11 years ago that I made the decision to run a race I had never faced before. My training helped me, but honestly, even though I was "prepared" nothing I could have done would have taken away the anxiety and fear I had when the starting gun sounded. The sounds were different, the place was different, and I was doing something I had never done before. All I really knew to do was to keep moving forward. The question entered my mind, "Could I do this?"

Over the next 26.2 miles I experience exuberance, elation, doubt, rejection, defeat, reflection, and accomplishment. It is interesting that even though I face a different race now the feelings are similar. I have done the training, but the day is upon me where I must step to the starting line. Now it all feels different. I am as prepared as I can be, but experience tells me that there will only be slight comfort in that...and the only thing I can do is move forward.

Tomorrow I load a trailer hitched behind a vehicle and I drive away to a new place...leaving the only thing I have known over the past 5 years behind me. Have I prepared? Yes. Have I mentally rehearsed? Yes. Will it be any easier? No. Like a marathon, even with the best training there will be moments of pain that the runner will face, and the only thing they can do to prevent failure is to accept the pain and move forward.

As I drive away from my home and my children I will face this uncertainty again in my life. It is a new starting line with a significant finish line. There will be pain, there will be doubt, and there will be considerable reflection. As the miles pass by in a race there is time to think...did I do all I could to prepare? What could I have done differently? What did I do right? What did I do wrong? As you move forward there are shadows of darkness of which you must pass. You wish you could run back or avoid them, but you know you must move forward.

I will do this just like I have done with so many marathons. I will take one step after another, face what I must, endure what I can, and hope I have enough to make it to the finish. Right now in this moment, that is all I know...